At Considerable Cost

Part I of my attempt to record life with my father in the years when he suffered with dementia and Parkinson's disease. It's a lot to put into thoughts and I've never really done so before. At this point in my life, November brings to mind thoughts of several things: cooler weather, memories of visits from my grandparents , Christmas is coming!, and memories of November 2004 when I knew the family support on which I had so often counted was really disappearing. That November, I received two night-time phone calls.   The first one was early in the month, not even two months after Mama had passed away , after I had just put baby Emmeline down for the night.   It was my dad and it was odd for him to call me; I usually called him.   He sounded very strange.   I could tell from his voice that he was smiling and he was a little "giddy," an emotion I had never heard in his voice before.   He got right to his point.   "What would y...

September 16, 2004 began as a typical morning.   Emmeline and I went for a walk and then she settled down for her morning nap while I worked on laundry.   I decided to call Mama; we usually talked to each other every day.   Since Emmeline was born nine months earlier, our conversations had grown to several times a day, as I called her to share Emmeline's latest "firsts."  She had called a little more than normal to check on me.   A month earlier I had my first severe reflux incident.   I was eating lunch when I experienced the normal discomfort, but this time, it got worse and it was as if my windpipe was closed and I couldn't breathe.   I felt like I was choking, but I could talk, so I knew that I wasn't.   I was alone with Emmeline, so I quickly snatched her out of the high chair and put her in her crib.   I worried about what I would do if this did not pass quickly and I stopped breathing. ...